She sits amongst others
Gregarious and cordial
Her smile and twinkling eyes
a mask on her well-crafted face
her laugh, loud and boisterous
yet infectious, fills the room
But listen closely, that sound is a croak
take a closer look
her eyes that seem to twinkle from afar
are in fact cold and bottomless
Grey and unsettled as a storm in a sea
The lines on her face
are few and far between- but deep
and she buries her sorrow in their trenches
filling them with memories of a time long forgotten
A foreigner to her emotions
she remains a perpetual spectator
bleeding from within from the secrets she harbors
her toxic burdens
numb her nerves
Yet her mask will never fall
nor will she ever be broken
because all her virtues won't outweigh
the fact that she lacks a genuine heart
3 comments:
Interesting choice of poem Tanya! Its nice to see someone do somethind different, like writing a poem about a painting, for instance! You truly captured the essence of the painting I found, and though I don't necessarily get the same impression when contemplating the painting, you express well the feelings and your impressions you felt and had of this lady. You give her life, and I particularily liked the second verse her eyes "grey and unsettled as a storm in sea" really gives a vivid image. However, I think that you could have employed more alliteration and assonance and though you use alot of of imagery, metaphors and comparisons, I thought the figurative language was rather scarce otherwise...maybe I am missing something. Also, even though I'm all for being unconventional, I thought your poem lacked a bit of consistency, in the number of syllables in each line and the number of verses in each stanza. But convention aside, an original poem that employs vivd imagery to personnify and bring to life the still lady in the painting. well done!
to me, your poem talks about how some people appear to have it all yet this is merely an illusion and people such as these could perhaps be the most and unhappy and troubled. your structure helps support this by describing how she appears by using positive words to describe her such as "gregarious" and "cordial". i enjoyed the transition you made from the 2nd verse and onward to point out that everything people find appealing about is fake and she infact lack geniune emotions. i thought your poem could be improved so that it sounds more consistent such as changing the number of syllabels on each line.
Very nice! I like the idea a lot. It is so down to earth and believable. I, for one, know many people who put on happy masks who are really tormented from within.
An interesting twist at the end: 'Yet her mask will never fall'. It seems like our woman is going to go on like this and never show her true face. Domage
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